Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dirty Anglo-Saxon Riddles

So, in an attempt to keep us from getting too sophisticated and artsy over here, some naughty riddles! Well, there are non-dirty options. But the dirty ones are so much more fun! :D

Riddle 42:
A small miracle hangs near a man's thigh,
Full under folds. It is stiff, strong,
Bold, brassy, and pierced in front.
When a young lord lifts his tunic
Over his knees, he wants to greet
With the hard head of this hanging creature
The hole it has long come to fill.

Riddle 43:
I heard of something rising in a corner,
Swelling and standing up, lifting its cover.
The proud-hearted bride grabbed at that boneless
Wonder with her hands; the prince's daughter
Covered that swelling thing with a swirl of cloth.

Riddle 60:
I am the hard punch and pull of power,
Bold thrusting out, keen coming in,
Serving my lord. I burrow beneath
A belly, tunneling a tight road.
My lord hurries and heaves from behind
With a catch of cloth. Sometimes he drags me
Hot from the hole, sometimes shoves me
Down the snug road. The southern thruster
Urges me on. Say who I am.

Riddle 52:
The young man came over to the corner
Where he knew she stood. He stepped up,
Eager and agile, lifted his tunic
With hard hands, thrust through her girdle
Something stiff, worked on the standing
One his will. Both swayed and shook.
The young man hurried, was sometimes useful,
Served well, but always tired
Sooner than she, weary of the work.
Under her girdle began to grow
A hero's reward for laying on dough.

Riddle 23
I am a wonderful help to women,
The hope of something to come. I harm
No citizen except my slayer.
Rooted I stand on a high bed.
I am shaggy below. Sometimes the beautiful
Peasant's daughter, an eager-armed,
Proud woman grabs my body,
Rushes my red skin, holds me hard,
Claims my head. The curly-haired
Woman who catches me fast will feel
Our meeting. Her eye will be wet.

Riddle 36:
This strange creature, a stripling boy,
Sought sweet pleasure pumping joy.
His nourishing Bess gave him four
White fountains-murmur and roar
To the boy's delight. A bystander said,
"Alive, that boy will break the downs;
Dead, he'll bind and wrap us round."

Riddle 59:
Sometimes a lady, comely and proud,
Locks me up, boxes me tight--
Sometimes draws me out on demand
And hands me over to her pleasing prince
Who shoves his hard head in my hole,
Slides up while I slip down--
A tight squeeze. If the man who seizes me
Presses with power, something shaggy
Will fill me up, muscle me out--
A precious jewel. Say what I mean.

7 comments:

Jules said...

hahaha...amazing.

*HEART*

Leaf Eardmor said...

But What are the specific answers to each riddle??...lol

Anonymous said...

The first is a key. It isn't what you would think at first.

Anonymous said...

Riddle 23 is an onion! tehe

Brooke said...

These were really funny. Dirty riddles are my favorite. Here's a really tricky riddle that even comes with a hangman game: I Go In Hard I Come Out Soft I have to admit I was embarrassed when I figured out the answer!

Unknown said...

It's a stick of Gum?

Pollard said...

43 bread dough?